The infamous South End streaker has once again avoided police attempts at capture following a string of incidents around the district’s Little Ivywood residential area and the Ironforge mall.
The gentleman, who police have still failed to identify, began with his usual modus operandi of casually strolling around the neighbourhood until the police arrived, at which point he broke into a ‘super-sprint’ and lead several police cars on a merry chase around the area until presumably growing tired and shaking them off his tail.
“I think it’s pretty funny,” said Mrs. Broughton of Maple Crescent, who was just carrying her grocery shopping from the car when the man zipped past her. “Kind of like a statement, you know? All he’s doing is running around and the police can’t even deal with that. They’re useless. Plus I saw him walking once, he’s kind of cute.”
Police have a different opinion.
“It’s indecent exposure and the man should be prosecuted just like any other citizen,” said Officer Davies – one of the officers who was chasing the streaker this evening. “As if that weren’t enough he’s purposely adding wasting police time onto his charge. Our department is having enough trouble dealing with those Extra-Humans who’ve decided to use their abilities to pursue crime. When we get call-outs about this man, we have to respond. We don’t have a choice. But what can we do? We’ve clocked him running at 70, 80mph – in residential areas. We can’t beat that in police cars when he can nip through alleys and doesn’t need to slow down to corner or give way to other vehicles. On a highway maybe, but not places like this.”
This marks the third incident over as many months involving the man who locals have jokingly dubbed Sir Streaksalot. Unable to be caught by the police and too low-priority for the likes of The Valors to step in and apprehend, it seems that Sir Streaksalot will continue his naked reign of fleshy terror for the foreseeable future.